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This Is The Kind of Geek I Am
The Misguided Ramblings of a Pookacat
23 September 2009 @ 05:11 pm
Current Mood: 
nostalgic
nostalgic18 September 2009 @ 12:31 pm
http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/5
It's a digital version of those old Rolleiflex cameras...I heart it...
It's a digital version of those old Rolleiflex cameras...I heart it...
Current Mood: nostalgic
nostalgic01 September 2009 @ 02:39 pm
My grandmother accused my mother of having itchy feet. I never liked that metaphor it seemed too much like athlete's foot of the soul.
My mother called herself a gypsy. I find that description more apt. We have the blood of Vikings and Celts in our veins, and come by our nomadic virtues naturally.
As I get older my feet begin to twitch with the urge to move on and on, over the next hill and to the next horizon. It's not that the grass is greener, it's just I haven't trod all over its expanse quite yet. I have to wonder if those soft green tuffs will cure this twinge of curiosity and movement...
I always get restless in the fall. Maybe I was a goose in a previous incarnation. I have this urge to travel, to get in the car and just drive—away. Maybe it’s a throw back to childhood and the anticipation of a new school year and all its possibilities.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of returning to school. I always feel nostalgic for college when the leaves start turning. I don’t want to go back because I’m unhappy with what I’m doing, I just can’t escape this idea I should be doing more…I need a challenge. I’m thinking about nursing school. This isn’t so out of left field as it seems. I have been thinking about nursing school for 3 years or more, but before I thought it was less a desire to be a nurse and more a desire to escape the Itemizer-Observer. Now I’m thinking it’s more of a “what if,” one of those nagging options that will haunt me to my grave.
I love my current job, and yet this idea lingers, which makes me think there is more to it than the need for a clear escape route from a miserable situation or nomadic blood. Then again, if I got a nursing degree I could live anywhere in the world. I could work with Northwest Medical Teams. I could give into that travel bug and still effect real, tangible change in the world—so maybe it is just itchy feet.
My mother called herself a gypsy. I find that description more apt. We have the blood of Vikings and Celts in our veins, and come by our nomadic virtues naturally.
As I get older my feet begin to twitch with the urge to move on and on, over the next hill and to the next horizon. It's not that the grass is greener, it's just I haven't trod all over its expanse quite yet. I have to wonder if those soft green tuffs will cure this twinge of curiosity and movement...
I always get restless in the fall. Maybe I was a goose in a previous incarnation. I have this urge to travel, to get in the car and just drive—away. Maybe it’s a throw back to childhood and the anticipation of a new school year and all its possibilities.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of returning to school. I always feel nostalgic for college when the leaves start turning. I don’t want to go back because I’m unhappy with what I’m doing, I just can’t escape this idea I should be doing more…I need a challenge. I’m thinking about nursing school. This isn’t so out of left field as it seems. I have been thinking about nursing school for 3 years or more, but before I thought it was less a desire to be a nurse and more a desire to escape the Itemizer-Observer. Now I’m thinking it’s more of a “what if,” one of those nagging options that will haunt me to my grave.
I love my current job, and yet this idea lingers, which makes me think there is more to it than the need for a clear escape route from a miserable situation or nomadic blood. Then again, if I got a nursing degree I could live anywhere in the world. I could work with Northwest Medical Teams. I could give into that travel bug and still effect real, tangible change in the world—so maybe it is just itchy feet.
Current Mood: 
restless
restlessCurrent Music: The Sky or the Underground -- Mean Creek
28 August 2009 @ 10:27 am
These are all in a special format that I'm experimenting with, which mimicks polariod transfers. I think it's kind of neat.
There are more on my flickr page, here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pookacatpi
There are more on my flickr page, here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pookacatpi
27 August 2009 @ 01:04 pm
I finally got some really fun actionis and brushes for photoshop. I can't wait to use these in my portrait work!
25 February 2009 @ 03:38 pm
Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...
Starfleet Crewperson
67% Intrigue, 63% Civilization, 59% Humanity, 50% Urbanization.
As Mister Spock would say: Fascinating. It seems you've managed to hit the edge of the curve on all metrics. An extraordinary life is almost certain.
According to your answers, you want it all, you want a lot of it, and you're willing to do what it takes to get it! Adventure! Romance! Technology! Challenge! You love civilization. You like people. You love the complications and joys of a big, weird crowd of humans plus lots of other beings wandering into dangerous and complicated corners of the galaxy.
There is an ideal place for you, and you are ideal for it: Welcome to the crew of the starship Enterprise. Captain Kirk would have welcomed you aboard himself, but his head was too big to fit in the landing bay.
14 February 2009 @ 10:59 am
I think I may submit this to NPR:
I believe in the enlightenment of loss. When I was 15 my mother died. It was sudden, but relatively painless. I assume. Her heart quit, and with it my world changed forever. My mother was the main bread winner in the family. So, in addition to the barren space she left behind, my life became devoid of the familiar and comforting.
Less than two months after her death my father and I moved from a sprawling 2,000 square foot ranch-style house in the country, to a tiny two bedroom apartment in town. I was not allowed to keep my horse, cats or dog. They were divided among relatives and friends. Most of them I never saw again.
Just eight years later my father died as well. His heart stopped working right, but his death was far slower and far more traumatic. He was hospitalized before I left for a term abroad my senior year of college. I went anyway, leaving him behind in the ICU. I don't know if this was the right decision, but it's the one I made. While in Spain, I received a call from the night nurse tending my father. My father had crashed three times. They were able to revive him twice, but this last time: "Well, now we're just brutalizing him," the nurse said. I told them to shut the machines down and asked the nurse to stay with my father until he died. I hope the nurse kept his promise.
There are things I feel cheated on. I'll never have an adult parent/child relationship like the ones I see my friends enjoying today. My mother won't help me plan my wedding. My father won't walk me down the aisle. Neither will hold their first grandchild. I lost my most valued confidants and friends before I could fully appreciate them.
It would be easy to feel bitter about so much shortchanging, but there is another side to so much loss so early: perspective, empathy, unshakable fortitude, and fearlessness. "The worst has happened," I said to myself when the grief had ebbed," I survived. Now what?" Petty irritants, dramas and traumas lost their rough edges; life smoothed out. Fitting into the typical life mold no longer fit into my perspective. I couldn't fit, so I stopped trying and stopped worrying about it. Life’s too short for such futility. With my parents went my safety net in life. I had fallen to the ground, hit square on, and walked away. That is very liberating. The worst had happened. I had survived. Now what?
The last part of that statement, the question: “Now what?,” is the most important component. It keeps me grounded in the now, while pushing me to look forward. To take each day as it comes. Knowing the worst is behind me. Knowing I have already suffered the worst kind of loss and come away sane. This enlightening perspective allows me to live with less fear. I know without a bit of doubt I can weather anything life tosses my way. I now know the path through loss’s emotional desert, and, like any path, the more times I tread it the clearer my way becomes. The worst has happened. I have survived. Now what?
I believe in the enlightenment of loss. When I was 15 my mother died. It was sudden, but relatively painless. I assume. Her heart quit, and with it my world changed forever. My mother was the main bread winner in the family. So, in addition to the barren space she left behind, my life became devoid of the familiar and comforting.
Less than two months after her death my father and I moved from a sprawling 2,000 square foot ranch-style house in the country, to a tiny two bedroom apartment in town. I was not allowed to keep my horse, cats or dog. They were divided among relatives and friends. Most of them I never saw again.
Just eight years later my father died as well. His heart stopped working right, but his death was far slower and far more traumatic. He was hospitalized before I left for a term abroad my senior year of college. I went anyway, leaving him behind in the ICU. I don't know if this was the right decision, but it's the one I made. While in Spain, I received a call from the night nurse tending my father. My father had crashed three times. They were able to revive him twice, but this last time: "Well, now we're just brutalizing him," the nurse said. I told them to shut the machines down and asked the nurse to stay with my father until he died. I hope the nurse kept his promise.
There are things I feel cheated on. I'll never have an adult parent/child relationship like the ones I see my friends enjoying today. My mother won't help me plan my wedding. My father won't walk me down the aisle. Neither will hold their first grandchild. I lost my most valued confidants and friends before I could fully appreciate them.
It would be easy to feel bitter about so much shortchanging, but there is another side to so much loss so early: perspective, empathy, unshakable fortitude, and fearlessness. "The worst has happened," I said to myself when the grief had ebbed," I survived. Now what?" Petty irritants, dramas and traumas lost their rough edges; life smoothed out. Fitting into the typical life mold no longer fit into my perspective. I couldn't fit, so I stopped trying and stopped worrying about it. Life’s too short for such futility. With my parents went my safety net in life. I had fallen to the ground, hit square on, and walked away. That is very liberating. The worst had happened. I had survived. Now what?
The last part of that statement, the question: “Now what?,” is the most important component. It keeps me grounded in the now, while pushing me to look forward. To take each day as it comes. Knowing the worst is behind me. Knowing I have already suffered the worst kind of loss and come away sane. This enlightening perspective allows me to live with less fear. I know without a bit of doubt I can weather anything life tosses my way. I now know the path through loss’s emotional desert, and, like any path, the more times I tread it the clearer my way becomes. The worst has happened. I have survived. Now what?
12 December 2008 @ 12:07 pm
I got out to my car last night to find two mini chocolate bars perched snugly on the roof just above the driver's side door. I have no idea where they came from. I doubt they were from anyone I know as I park way to hell and gone at riverfront park. It was a very nice little gesture and it made me smile.
Work is good. I regret quitting my second job as my finances have pretty much tanked. I'm in debt more than I would like with no real way to climb out for about a year, so I'm just trying to float along for now. I'm not in dire straights, but I'm also not in the best position given the credit industry. Right now is not the time to be caring credit card debt, but what can you do? I've discussed it with my bank and I may be able to get a fixed interest credit line, but I have to come up with about $500 and close my other credit card. I'm weighing this option. I can't do anything until I get my tax return. The sucky part is, if I had stayed on at CM for another 6 months, I'd be pretty much debt free. Life's really a bitch sometimes, but I am much happier not working 60 hour weeks. I've done that for WAY too many years and it's not worth it. I really think I'd rather be worrying about how my credit card company is planning to screw me over in the next few months. Here are couple options available to them:
Cut my line of credit in half, thereby hurting my credit score and making it appear that I am over drawn, so they can then charge me the subsequent fees (believe it. it's happening to people like me with pristine credit as we speak)
They can jack up my interest rate. Thereby jacking up my minimum payment and making it hard to pay off what I owe. Up until now the rate has been very reasonable, but it's only a matter of time before they decide to make more money by sticking it to the people who actually pay their bills.
So far, my credit card company has been reasonable, but right now I am completely at their mercy and it's my own fault. If they start giving me shit I'm going to have to sell off my camera equipment, close my business and call it a bust. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you never know. Especially right now.
In brighter news, our holiday concert was a success. We have a new ED and I think I'll like working for him. My job is fun. My photo business is creeping along so I'm not completely sunk yet. I just won't be buying any property or doing anything fun for the next two years. Funny how things can change in 6 months.
Work is good. I regret quitting my second job as my finances have pretty much tanked. I'm in debt more than I would like with no real way to climb out for about a year, so I'm just trying to float along for now. I'm not in dire straights, but I'm also not in the best position given the credit industry. Right now is not the time to be caring credit card debt, but what can you do? I've discussed it with my bank and I may be able to get a fixed interest credit line, but I have to come up with about $500 and close my other credit card. I'm weighing this option. I can't do anything until I get my tax return. The sucky part is, if I had stayed on at CM for another 6 months, I'd be pretty much debt free. Life's really a bitch sometimes, but I am much happier not working 60 hour weeks. I've done that for WAY too many years and it's not worth it. I really think I'd rather be worrying about how my credit card company is planning to screw me over in the next few months. Here are couple options available to them:
Cut my line of credit in half, thereby hurting my credit score and making it appear that I am over drawn, so they can then charge me the subsequent fees (believe it. it's happening to people like me with pristine credit as we speak)
They can jack up my interest rate. Thereby jacking up my minimum payment and making it hard to pay off what I owe. Up until now the rate has been very reasonable, but it's only a matter of time before they decide to make more money by sticking it to the people who actually pay their bills.
So far, my credit card company has been reasonable, but right now I am completely at their mercy and it's my own fault. If they start giving me shit I'm going to have to sell off my camera equipment, close my business and call it a bust. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you never know. Especially right now.
In brighter news, our holiday concert was a success. We have a new ED and I think I'll like working for him. My job is fun. My photo business is creeping along so I'm not completely sunk yet. I just won't be buying any property or doing anything fun for the next two years. Funny how things can change in 6 months.
Current Mood: 
worried
worried
15 November 2008 @ 10:24 am
I feel the need to update the people here at LJ who may or may not read my posts. I've been MIA mostly because, unlike my old job, I have plenty to fill my time with at this current job and I can't post at home, because I have no internet. Unless I trek over to the coffee shop, which I really don't like to do on my days off. I would much rather read or be outside.
Anyway, I'm trudging along. I'm getting a few photo gigs here and there. Some of them actually pay. Imagine what would happen if I actually actively promoted my business. What a concept! I kind of want to wait on that until my new website is done and it's bugs are worked out. That way I can update my portfolios consistently. My photography is constantly evolving and improving, both my pre and post production techniques and I want my web content to reflect that improvement. Right now, my website does not reflect the best I have to offer.
In work, we just hired a new executive director. My current boss, who I love, was just an interim director and really wants to be working for the organization as a volunteer. She wants to be more available to her kids, which I respect. The new ED is British, and just moved here from Florida with his wife and two kids. His wife is a professor at WOU. I think he's going to be a lot of fun to work for.
On an off note, the entire Reed Opera House is vibrating today and I have no idea why, but it's really starting to annoy me. It's almost like a silent jackhammer is running. The building is bouncing by about 1/4 of an inch up and down...gah! This is going to make me crazy!!
Back to work, I've been training to till up in Portland, so I've been spending most of my Wednesday nights steering a little boat up and down the port of Portland channel at Waterfront park. It's really a lot of fun, but can get a bit harry when the big freight ships and cruisers go by. But Portland is very pretty at night when you're out on the water. It's a pretty sweet gig. I actually get to look at the scenery when I'm tilling, which is a nice change from paddling.
Also, I'm planning a holiday concert and reception for December. If anyone in the Salem area is looking for something to do on Saturday, December 6 between 1 and 5:30, Salem Multicultural Institute is hosting a World Beat Holiday Concert, which will include a posada and piñata party. There will be atole, tamales and rosca. If you don't know what that means, come find out. People with children may want to show up around 3:30 to watch the Hispanic Choir sing and participate in the posada and piñata party. There will also be an artist in residence doing crafts. People without kids, should consider coming to the concert. There will be a Santa Lucia Court, Philippine Carolers, and Polynesian Dancing.
Other than that, my life outside of work hasn't been too thrilling. I have a lot of little projects on the burners, but none of them are boiling yet. So, there's not much to update there. Overall, life is pretty good.
Anyway, I'm trudging along. I'm getting a few photo gigs here and there. Some of them actually pay. Imagine what would happen if I actually actively promoted my business. What a concept! I kind of want to wait on that until my new website is done and it's bugs are worked out. That way I can update my portfolios consistently. My photography is constantly evolving and improving, both my pre and post production techniques and I want my web content to reflect that improvement. Right now, my website does not reflect the best I have to offer.
In work, we just hired a new executive director. My current boss, who I love, was just an interim director and really wants to be working for the organization as a volunteer. She wants to be more available to her kids, which I respect. The new ED is British, and just moved here from Florida with his wife and two kids. His wife is a professor at WOU. I think he's going to be a lot of fun to work for.
On an off note, the entire Reed Opera House is vibrating today and I have no idea why, but it's really starting to annoy me. It's almost like a silent jackhammer is running. The building is bouncing by about 1/4 of an inch up and down...gah! This is going to make me crazy!!
Back to work, I've been training to till up in Portland, so I've been spending most of my Wednesday nights steering a little boat up and down the port of Portland channel at Waterfront park. It's really a lot of fun, but can get a bit harry when the big freight ships and cruisers go by. But Portland is very pretty at night when you're out on the water. It's a pretty sweet gig. I actually get to look at the scenery when I'm tilling, which is a nice change from paddling.
Also, I'm planning a holiday concert and reception for December. If anyone in the Salem area is looking for something to do on Saturday, December 6 between 1 and 5:30, Salem Multicultural Institute is hosting a World Beat Holiday Concert, which will include a posada and piñata party. There will be atole, tamales and rosca. If you don't know what that means, come find out. People with children may want to show up around 3:30 to watch the Hispanic Choir sing and participate in the posada and piñata party. There will also be an artist in residence doing crafts. People without kids, should consider coming to the concert. There will be a Santa Lucia Court, Philippine Carolers, and Polynesian Dancing.
Other than that, my life outside of work hasn't been too thrilling. I have a lot of little projects on the burners, but none of them are boiling yet. So, there's not much to update there. Overall, life is pretty good.
Current Mood: 
calm
calm
14 November 2008 @ 04:42 pm
I finally figured out how to make my own cool texture effects. It was so obvious that I feel like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. I can actually thank Laura's hubby for the idea. Now I can't wait to experiment with this new found power! This is a very basic texturing, the point is I know the trick now!
BEFORE
AFTER
BEFORE
AFTER
15 October 2008 @ 02:20 pm
I am so tired. Last weekend was stressful and emotional. I took six of my youth to their twice-yearly youth retreat and it didn't go as usual. For a lot of reasons I am WAY to tired to explain. It all ended really well, but there was a great deal of mentoring/emotionally supporting/ushering on my part and that can be very draining. I was glad to be home. I managed before leaving the office Friday afternoon to finish most of the signs for our newest exhibit, however I came in on Monday and the exhibit was still in disarray. It opened today and looks great, but that is after me putting in two 14 hours days. In fact, it's time for me to go home. I need to shift gears to our holiday concert now, but I'm having trouble getting my brain to refocus. Also, I have an article due next week...crap. There is more, but I need to leave the office now. I have been here too much this week...and it's only Wednesday. Still love the job a lot, but I'm done with one project. It's time to take a break.
Current Mood: 
drained
drained29 September 2008 @ 02:11 pm
So, life is getting interesting. Here's a list in no order of the things I am getting involved with in my free time.
1) A new creative non-fiction publication in Salem. The first issue probably won't go to press until after the first of the year, but it looks really promising. There are some seemingly talented people involved so far. I have a lot of hope.
2) Learning how to till a dragon boat and strengthen my paddling and coaching skills by training with a Portland team once a week.
3) Irish Dancing
4) Salsa Dancing
5) A roller derby team that is starting in Salem...assuming they can find a practice space. Seriously.
6) A local KBOO style radio station that is starting in Salem. I have been pining for a radio station since college and the absence of one is a major reason I want to move back to Eugene. Now, I may not have to.
This is on top of all my other stuff...mentoring youth, crisis work, etc. Oh, and I'm writing a business plan for the photography business...finally...It's all very exciting.
1) A new creative non-fiction publication in Salem. The first issue probably won't go to press until after the first of the year, but it looks really promising. There are some seemingly talented people involved so far. I have a lot of hope.
2) Learning how to till a dragon boat and strengthen my paddling and coaching skills by training with a Portland team once a week.
3) Irish Dancing
4) Salsa Dancing
5) A roller derby team that is starting in Salem...assuming they can find a practice space. Seriously.
6) A local KBOO style radio station that is starting in Salem. I have been pining for a radio station since college and the absence of one is a major reason I want to move back to Eugene. Now, I may not have to.
This is on top of all my other stuff...mentoring youth, crisis work, etc. Oh, and I'm writing a business plan for the photography business...finally...It's all very exciting.
24 September 2008 @ 03:35 pm
I've been his advisor since middle school; back when he was still shorter than me.
Current Mood: nostalgic
nostalgic24 September 2008 @ 03:31 pm
And, I realized on the way home that I forgot to crank up the ISO on my camera. I'm just glad we got some shots.
I think Pat and Celina will like the pictures though. They better, because we did a pretty neat job trashing the dress, and though it doesn't look it, that water was DAMN COLD.
20 September 2008 @ 10:21 am
When I am Five
I will stop sucking my fingers when I am five.
"Why five," she asked.
I will stop when I am five because I will be big.
"You will be big at five," she asked.
Yes at five. I will be big and I will stop.
"Why not four or six," she asked.
No. Five. That is when I will stop.
"And that's when you will be big," she said.
Yes. That is when I will be big.
"Will you still need me when you are big," she asked.
I will need you when I am big and when I am small.
"When you are big and you are small," she asked.
Yes, mommy, when I am big and when I am small.
I will stop sucking my fingers when I am five.
"Why five," she asked.
I will stop when I am five because I will be big.
"You will be big at five," she asked.
Yes at five. I will be big and I will stop.
"Why not four or six," she asked.
No. Five. That is when I will stop.
"And that's when you will be big," she said.
Yes. That is when I will be big.
"Will you still need me when you are big," she asked.
I will need you when I am big and when I am small.
"When you are big and you are small," she asked.
Yes, mommy, when I am big and when I am small.
20 September 2008 @ 10:08 am
05 September 2008 @ 03:47 pm
I'm not going to go into details, but everyone I know (save a few lucky souls) has taken it hard in the teeth these past few weeks and I would just like to say that whatever has crawled up the asses of those "in charge" needs to find its way back out again, and fast. This is getting ridiculous. From lost jobs and outrageous fines, to miscarriages and leukemia diagnoses the karma cluster-fuck needs to come to an end. Amen.
Current Mood: 
grumpy
grumpy